The Scotsman In Me
by UltraMagnusFanGirl
Summary: Magnus loses a drinking contest against Wheeljack and must suffer as a result, well one mech's suffering is another's entertainment. Random and not serious! Two maybe three shot
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! This is a two-shot I put together while working on chapters for my other fics! Was actually inspired by a conversation with Speedstreak360, Ultra Magnus in TFP...What can I say other than yay! Hehe! Perfect!**

**This is not to be taken seriously I didn't even write it to the best of my abilities it was just a random thought that we came up with and I decided to act on it! ^_^ **

**Please review but no flames because they do not help anyone with anything in life!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing sadly!**

* * *

Walking into the base via the Groundbridge Jack raised an eyebrow when he saw Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus engaged in what appeared to be an arm wrestling competition. Looking around the room he saw Ratchet standing in his usual position but watching the two mechs out of the corner of his optic; Prime and Magnus were talking quietly clearly not too bothered about the fact that they were acting out of character for the two commanders.

"Morning Jack" Jumping he turned around and saw Arcee standing behind him with a small smile on her face

"Hey Cee, what's going on?" Gesturing to the two mechs

"The two are old friends, they've known each other since before the war" Standing beside her human friend they both looked at Prime and Magnus, Jack felt his jaw drop open when he saw Optimus smile at Magnus who chuckled and smirked back at him. Gaping Jack pointed at them making Arcee chuckle quietly

"Just because you don't see it Jack it doesn't mean they don't smile" A loud crash had them both jumping

"That's three Magnus" Optimus said standing up straight while smirking slightly at Magnus who was nursing his wrist

"Prime I am still not going tonight" Rolling his optics Optimus turned to look at him

"The deal was if I could beat you three times then you would surrender your stoic facade for the night" Sighing Magnus folded his arms over his chassis and looked at his friend with a slight smirk "Do you need me to make it an order commander?"

"No Prime" Walking past Optimus Magnus punched him in the shoulder and continued walking; Optimus turned around and spotted Jack and Arcee.

"Good morning Jack" He said bowing his head slightly before walking off

"What's happening tonight?" Arcee grinned down at him

"Wheeljack and Bulkhead are organising a little party, wrecker style. I think they intend to get us all well...drunk" Frowning Jack looked up at her

"How do you get drunk?"

"It's simple actually Jack" Ratchet answered as he walked over to them "It is the same as you humans do, although our alcohol is a type of energon we call high-grade"

"How do you have enough energon for that though? I thought you were in short supply?"

"We are in short supply of normal energon Jack, however high-grade can be created using a small amount of regular with a few added parts such as a little of the synthetic energon we created." Looking down at the human Ratchet gave a rare smirk "Wrecker parties were outlawed in some of the city states, it is incredibly rare that Optimus would let this happen. Miko is helping Bulkhead and Wheeljack plan for this evening, Rafael cannot come tonight but if you want you...may stay"

"Care to see what they're planning?" Arcee asked grinning as Ratchet walked off

* * *

"Come on boss, once like old times" Wheeljack said as he grinned up at Ultra Magnus who rolled his optics

"That was a long time ago Wheeljack" The two wreckers stared at one another while Bulkhead looked eagerly between the two of them; after a few minutes Ultra Magnus slowly nodded. Miko whooped and grinned

"Alright Bulk get the energon" Turning to look at Optimus Wheeljack smirked "Prime you get the honour of deciding the stakes" Prime looked at the two of them thinking before slowly smirking

"I do believe Magnus asked me a question a few weeks ago" The blue and white mech's optics widened slightly "The loser must fashion himself a kilt and wear it for the next Earth week" Both Miko and Jack laughed grinning at the two large mechs as Bulkhead walked over carrying several cubes of high-grade energon; placing them strategically along the large piece of metal that had been set up to act as a table for the bots.

"Whoever passes out or purges first loses" Taking a cube each Wheeljack raised it to Magnus with a grin

"Drink up sir"

* * *

Miko cheered as Wheeljack downed his 8th cube soon followed by Ultra Magnus, the two mechs swaying slightly as the energon clouded their processors. Optimus however stood off to the side still sipping at his first cube, watching with amused optics as his friend slowly got closer to passing out every moment.

"Cube 9!" Jack cheered with a grin as both mechs drank theirs at the identical moment; both Wheeljack and Magnus shared a look before Magnus toppled over earning a laugh from all of the other bots. Laughing hysterically Wheeljack tripped over thin air and fell to the ground passing out almost instantly as he did so. "Well...! Magnus gets to wear the kilt!"

Placing his now empty cube to the side Optimus leant down and grabbed Magnus by the arm pulling him up and carefully throwing one of his arms over his shoulder; Ratchet took the other and together they maneuvered the large mech down the corridor towards his quarters. Bulkhead still chuckling picked up Wheeljack and took him back to his own quarters.

* * *

"Magnus old friend" Optimus called quietly tapping on the door when he received no response he typed in the override code and opened the door himself; frowning he looked around the room and saw Magnus standing in the corner glaring at him. Holding back his snicker he slipped his battle mask in position to hide his grin

"How did you even get the material for this?" He snarled

"You may thank Agent Fowler for that my friend" Optimus leant against the wall smirking behind his mask "I do believe you must go outside though, you did after-all lose the bet" Magnus pushed past him and began to walk down the corridor as Prime followed "And just so you know Magnus that is apparently what a kilt is"

"Frag you!"


	2. Chapter 2

**And the rating goes up my bad but it was far too tempting! Annnywaaay! Here we go this is probably going to be the last chapter for this one unless I get some extra inspiration! **

**Please enjoy but no flames!**

**Disclaimer- Sadly I don't own a thing oh how I wish I did!**

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Loud laughter erupted from the main room as Magnus walked in; both Miko and Jack were hanging off one another as they laughed at the sight, Miko snapping a few pictures as she did so. Ultra Magnus growled as the others continued to laugh at him, including Wheeljack who was still nursing a hangover.

Ratchet snickered as he walked over to the larger mech, patting him on the shoulder as he passed "This is one for the records" Optimus chuckled at Ratchet as he walked past the medic and smirked at his friend

"I hate you all" Magnus hissed narrowing his optics at them and subconsciously gripping the kilt in his hand

"Lighten up old friend it is good to laugh every once in a while" Turning his glare to the Prime Magnus watched as he walked over to the console; muttering to himself Magnus turned and walked out of the room fully intending to stay hidden until the day was over and he could remove the annoying piece of material around his waist. Arcee continued giggling quietly to herself as she walked over to Optimus to see what the Prime was doing; as she did so the proximity alarm went off and she immediately turned to look at the lift along with the others. After a few moments Agent Fowler walked out

"Agent Fowler what can we do for you?" Optimus asked

"We have a problem Prime, I received a call from our squadron in Britain. There's been another sighting of Decepticons in Scotland again, it appears the Scots attract the Cons." Wheeljack immediately grinned and moved around Bulkhead so that he could grin at Optimus

"Prime I think I know just the mech to deal with the Cons"

* * *

"Oh Primus!" Starscream laughed as he held his middle barely able to remain standing; around him the Vehicons too were in hysterics while Soundwave appeared to be silently laughing. Clenching his fists Ultra Magnus growled mortified that Optimus Prime would send him to remove the Decepticons; and making it an order that he was to continue wearing the kilt. "Is this standard issue for all Autobots now?" The seeker mocked with a grin as his wings shook in mirth "Or are you embracing the culture of the fleshlings?"

"I would suggest you leave Starscream"

"Or what you're going to strangle me with your new armour?" Seeing the sickening grin on Starscream's face Magnus growled deeply "Or perhaps force us all to participate in your new style?" Before the seeker could react a very angry Magnus had him pinned to the ground and was tearing at his wings "Fragging-Soundwave do something!"

The silent seeker remained silent watching in amusement as a kilt wearing Autobot attacked the Decepticon SIC; tilting his helm slightly he admired the Autobot's aft which looked rather attractive in the human garment. No...a Decepticon should not be thinking such things about an Autobot...but frag it all if the mech wasn't good looking. Walking over he pulled Ultra Magnus off of Starscream making sure to grope his aft as he did so; throwing the mech to the ground he turned and walked off.

Ultra Magnus stared at Soundwave gaping not quite believing what had just happened to him; watching the Decepticons leave he laid down and stared up at the sky. Remaining silent for a while he allowed his thoughts to run through his processor.

"I am going to fragging kill Optimus and then I am going to kill Wheeljack for doing this to me" Sitting up straight he activated his comm "Magnus to base I need a bridge"

* * *

Optimus looked at Ultra Magnus trying not to chuckle as the other Autobot continued to rant over how the kilt had ruined his reputation as a feared warrior; sitting down on his berth he watched him pace.

"And then the fragger touched my aft Prime! He groped me! Soundwave fragging groped me! How am I ever going to be able to face the Decepticons again after that?!" Spinning on his heel Magnus looked down at Optimus "Prime?" He asked seeing the slightly blank look in his optics "Prime?! Fraggit all are you listening to me?!"

"I am listening to you Magnus, however I do believe I know what Soundwave's reasoning behind his actions was" Frowning in confusion the blue and white commander watched Optimus stand up and approach him; he jumped in shock when Optimus wrapped his arms around him and pulled him flush against him.

"Si-sir?" He asked a slight blush forming on his face as his body heated up. Leaning down Optimus mouthed Magnus' neck

"You are an attractive mech Magnus" Optimus grabbed part of the kilt in one hand "This does accentuate your aft, you should wear this more often"

* * *

Wondering down the corridor Ratchet growled as he searched all of the rooms looking for the two absent commanders; muttering to himself as he checked the artifact room before continuing his search. Deciding the only place he hadn't checked was Prime's quarters. Changing his course he moved down a separate corridor and froze in his tracks when he heard something which sounded like a moan of pain.

"Oh frag!" That sounded exactly like Ultra Magnus

"Frag Magnus not so loud or someone will hear" And that was...Prime. Walking over to the door he stood there trying to determine what was going on, hearing them groan Ratchet jumped backwards. He did not want to know what was going on on the other side of that door, deciding instead that he would warn the other bots to steer clear.

"OH PRIMUS!" Speeding up his walk turned into a run as Magnus continued to shout out to their God, some things should be left unknown and by Primus if this was the result of someone wearing a kilt he was going to ensure those things were banned for good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok so maybe I had a little bit more inspiration for this! I have a plan for a sequel to this but that won't be happening just yet. ^_^ I understand this is a REALLY short chapter but I cut it in half because I want the other half for the sequel! **

**Before I continue! Congrats to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby boy Prince George Alexander Louis!**

**Please review but no flames! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own Transformers sadly!**

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Ratchet looked up from his work station when he heard footsteps and almost immediately turned away upon seeing Magnus walk into the main room closely followed by Optimus; hunching down so that he didn't have to look at them. He did notice how Optimus brushed his hands up against Magnus' in passing; the latter casting glances over at the Prime.

The subtle actions between the two continued even when the rest of the Autobots and the human children arrived; however the three mechs present stared at the children who grinned proudly up at them. Miko put her hands on her hips and walked up to the sofa, Raf and Jack following close behind.

"What are you wearing?" Ratchet asked in disbelief

"Kilts!" Miko said grinning at him "We thought since Ultra Magnus was able to rock the look we'd wear them to"

"You know for a bit of moral support" It was Jack who had spoken and had made himself comfortable on the sofa; Raf did the same sitting beside him scratching one of his legs.

"Although they are really really itchy!" Chuckling at Raf Bulkhead turned to look at Wheeljack

"Ultra Magnus sir?"

"Yes Bulkhead?" The large blue and white mech turned to look at the wrecker

"What happened to your kilt sir?" Ultra Magnus turned to look at Optimus, the Autobot leader gave a almost unnoticeable smirk.

"It's been...disposed of" Shuddering Ratchet grumbled under his breath ignoring the looks he received from the others; Optimus walked over to stand beside him and looked the medic in the optics.

"You know" He stated earning a slight nod in response "I apologise my friend" Ultra Magnus positioned himself on the far side of the room leaning up against the wall; heavily favoring his right leg as he did so, the slight injury not escaping Ratchet's attention, and sipping on a cube of energon.

"That would be your fault as well wouldn't it?" Queried Ratchet as he continued with his current task

"Indeed it is" The comment sounded awfully smug to his trained audios

"You're lucky the kids weren't the ones who heard you last night" Immediately Optimus straightened up at the thought of one of the children catching Ultra Magnus and himself together.

"Hey Ultra Magnus how did you get those scratches on your hips?" The mech in question promptly did a picture perfect spit-take in response to Miko's question.

* * *

"Hey Breakdown" The Decepticon wrecker looked up from his datapad and was greeted by the sight of his sparkmate leaning over one of the medical berths; Knock Out smiled at him and made himself comfortable as he smirked at Breakdown.

"Something wrong KO?"

"Did you hear from Starscream about his last encounter with that Autobot Commander?"

"I heard he was wearing one of the humans garments, why?" Knock Out continued to grin at him "What are you planning and what are you hiding?"

"Oh nothing" Was the resulting purr "It just...gave me an idea that's all" Breakdown raised an optic ridge and stood up talking over towards his sparkmate

"Ok, you're hiding something and I want to know what it is" Folding his arms over his chassis he looked down at him smaller mate; snickering quietly Knock Out climbed up onto the berth making himself comfortable and smirked at the way his mate's optics widened.

"Starscream gave me an idea, especially after spotting Soundwave grope the Autobot" Putting one arm behind his head Knock Out grabbed one of Breakdown's hands with the other, subtly pulling him closer to the berth. "Soooo...what do you think?"

"Are the doors locked?" The answering grin was all the answer Breakdown needed before he pinned Knock Out to the berth with one arm; the other travelling down the red mech's body capturing the material he wore around his waist in his hand. "If only I could get you in some other human garments" He growled quietly leaning down to kiss his neck. Once more within two days another kilt wound up in shreds on the floor at the hands of a couple.


End file.
